Since my first relationship in high school, I've never really "dated". I would meet someone and think, "hey, you're cool" and start a relationship with them. That one would end eventually so I would find someone else that was cool and be with them for awhile. The pattern continued this way until my last relationship, which was by far the longest one to date, until it ended. Ironically, it was the longest relationship that I got over the quickest (about a week). Maybe I was just more mature, maybe it was easy because it was on a decline for some time, or maybe I'm just getting more awesome at break ups. I decided after that relationship that I was going to approach the next one differently. I'm pretty sure I say that every time but this time, I was serious.

I'm not exactly getting any younger (27--almost 30!) so I decided to be more picky and take my time so maybe I'll get it right this go round. The only problem I ran into is that I don't really do things or go places where I meet people date worthy. I'm no stranger to meeting...strangers, so I signed myself up for eHarmony--I feel it's classier than match.com. December 31st was my official debut into the internet dating world. After the long and excruciating question and answer portion of the profile setup, it was time to fill out the rest of the profile. I didn't realize how hard it was to write about yourself until I was staring at 7 open-ended questions finding myself going "ummmm" a lot and asking my sister what I should say.

I don't think this is acceptable

Eventually, I got my stuff filled out how I wanted it and was well on my way to finding the love of my life! After sending tons of people requests to talk, and being shot down by 98% of them it got me wondering why they didn't want to talk to me (obviously, I'm the greatest). You would think that people would be more open-minded and talk to more people seeing as it's real easy to just stop talking to them if you don't like something about them. I guess I'm not the only one being picky around here. I did end up finding a few good prospects and got a first date set up. I had been talking (texting and on the phone) with this guy for probably a week and a half when we decided to meet. We met at Dave and Busters and had a great (and expensive) time. Since then (about a month) we've hung out a bunch of times and we get along great. However, I'm not ready to commit to anything just yet.

I want to meet more people and see what is out there before I lock anything down. Not just because I spent some good money on the services but because like I said before, I've never dated and I'm having a good time doing it. Fortunately, my guy says he understands if I want to meet more people first. He's probably betting on everyone else being terrible and making me realize how much more awesome he is (which is pretty awesome). I've met one other person since meeting the first one and have plans to meet a third person this weekend. I would definitely recommend the website to people who are having trouble meeting people; it's not cheap but I think it will be worth it. If anything maybe I can make some friends out of the ones that don't work out intimately.

I will give you some warnings though before you join:

1. There are a lot of unattractive people on there and they will all want to talk to you.

2. Some people are kind of terrible about filling out their profiles, such as not providing much info or more than 1 picture (probably years old before they started balding and letting themselves go).

3. It seems like a LOT of them "enjoy the outdoors" and love working out. Not sure what that's about.

4. Be aware of embellishments--namely height. The second guy I met said he was 5'7 and was definitely only 5'5 (same as me). It's kind of odd dating someone the same height as you, guess I'm just not used to it.

5. There are creepers out there so make sure you know their intentions before meeting up with them.

 Beware of the Anthony's of the internet 

I've never really had a clear idea whether I wanted to have kids or not. There have been times in my life where I would think "yeah, I could see myself having a kid...in the far off future" and there were also times when I thought "there's no way in hell I can have a kid". Everything about the idea just scares the crap out of me. For a long time it wasn't a big deal because I was young and I had time to come around to the notion. But now, the far off future is nearing ever so quickly. I'm almost 27--too close to 30--and it's becoming something that's affecting my present life.

A few days ago my boyfriend and I broke up after a little more than 2 years of dating. Before this relationship, I had not dated a guy for more than 6 months. Obviously, in that amount of time the subject of kids would probably not come up. However, with this relationship, it did come up and I told him I couldn't see myself having any. This was a problem because he did. At the time though, we kind of just shrugged it off and he said I would probably change my mind again and we left it alone. We ignored it because we didn't want to face the fact that we would not be able to stay together if we didn't have the same path in mind. The time finally came when we couldn't ignore it and we faced the music; bam relationship done.

This brings me to my point (sorry it took so long): What do I do now? Obviously, I have to move on and look toward the future and find the person that's right for me--or let him find me--whatever the case may be. How does it work when you don't know if you want to have kids? If I find someone I really like (or love), I get lucky and he doesn't know either, what happens if one of us change our mind and don't agree at some point? Am I supposed to ask them on the first date if they want kids? Or wait so long that I get too attached and have another painful breakup on the books?

I still don't know at this point if my future holds children or not. I don't want to grow up to be a spinster of sorts and regret not having children. But I also don't want to have a kid and end up being miserable. For now, I'm just fine having a niece and friends with kids I can play with and give back to their parents. I know I still have a few years to figure it out but it's still a lot to think about. I've only had 1 real adult relationship and I clearly didn't do that one right so I need help for my next and hopefully last one.

                                                                                            Ummm, about that....


Any advice?

And in no way am I being over-dramatic

It seems these days that spiders have been out to get me. What they could want from little ol’ me is beyond my realm of imagination. Perhaps they just like to see me squirm (I mean, who doesn’t?) or on the other hand, they could be evil spawns of Satan that have a plot to take over the world … starting with me. Obviously, the latter makes more sense, so let’s go with that one. I don’t think I need to go into how creepy they are, but I guess I’ll indulge you all; just for shits and giggs.

 1. They vary in size—so you never know what you’re going to be up against.
 2. They have 8 freaking legs—I mean really, how many do they really need??
 3. Multiply their leg count by a billion and that’s how many eyes they have—which makes them able to see YOU better and therefore easily attack you when you least expect it.
 4. Not only can they leap about as if they’re trying out for So You Think You Can Dance?, but they have silk that shoots out of their asses in which to soar through the air with the greatest of ease—trapeze style.

It is number 4 on the list-o-creepiness that I think I am most concerned with. No matter how big they are, how many legs and eyes they have, when they decide where they are going to post up for the time being, it’s always in the most inconvenient places. Like where I am going to be walking. Because you—most of the time—don’t see the web before walking through it and then it’s too late. That fucker is totes on you and crawling around wondering what’s going on, just having a grand time watching you flail about through his home, wrecking shop on his fine craftsmanship. All the awhile, you’re (me) are trying to compose yourself and hoping no one saw you freak out for—apparently—no reason.

What is more annoying than a spider chillin in my walk area, is when it deems it necessary to post up next to my car (either attached to the car or object next to me, or a tree that is so conveniently next to where I need to park). Now, when I’m trying to get into my car after a long days work, I have to deal with Mr. I-Need-To-Keep-You-From-Sanely-Getting-Into-Your-Car. On occasion, I will see this douche bag blocking my way and I’ll stop just in time to flip him off and carefully crawl over my middle console from the passenger side of the car (assuming his homie is not chillin' on that side) so that I can just get home and watch Glee. Is that so much to ask?

Okay, I understand that not all spiders are evil spawns of Satan brought up from the deep circles of hell to ruin my life and that some of them eat other pests such as flies and mosquitos (I’ve actually witnessed a spider killing and rolling up  a cricket that got in his web; it was pretty bad ass to watch). But for the sake of this blog, they are all worthless to me and deserve the stomping that I am so keen on bestowing upon them (after I apologize, of course).