I don't know what I thought being a grown up would be like. When I was younger, I always thought about being older and it freaked me out. I looked at my older siblings and other family members that were 6-10 years older than me and wondered “I wonder what it's like to be them?" I didn't remember when they were my age—I was too young--so it was almost like they were born that age; in my mind. So now, when I'm in my mid 20's, I'm about that age my family members were when I was pondering so long ago; and it almost seems unreal. When I was 18 and thinking about where I would be when I was 25...well, I can't really remember what I thought, exactly, but now that I'm living it, it's very strange. I've always kind of felt older and more responsible than my peers because I've pretty much been on my own since I was 17 (read: not living with a parent). I didn't always have “rent” to pay, but I always worked and paid my own bills from then on. At the current time, most of my really good friends are either in serious relationships or married. I am included in that group, being in a serious relationship (and longest ever, clocking in at 9 months), so I'm not all alone or anything.

Serious BF/husband
Stable job
Own Residence
Reliable car
Finances in order
Kid(s)? *yikes*

Of the things on the list, I have about 2 and a half things checked off. My job is somewhat stable in that I'm pretty sure I'll be keeping it for at least 5 more months (it's temporary with the possibility of becoming permanent). Although, I'm so awesome at it that there's no way they could not keep me after August. Obviously, one of the things I do have entirely is the serious bf and the other being my own residence. So, all in all, I'm not doing a great job on the whole growing up thing...on paper. However, I still feel like I am way older than I am. Since I've started this new job approximately 1.5 weeks ago, I've been going to bed around 10 every night (counting weekends). I'm so tired all the time from waking up at 6am during the week, all I want to do is sleep when I'm not working. Even before this job, I hardly ever did anything outside my apartment and it's really boring. Is adulthood supposed to be boring? Or am I doing it wrong?

The thing that freaks me out the most, is one of those previously mentioned good friends just found out she is pregnant (the married one). It's really weird to think about how things are going to change, very soon. We aren't huge partiers or anything but occasionally we will get together at one of our respective places and just hang out, drink a few adult beverages and converse. That definitely won't be happening any more any time soon. It might be me being selfish but I don't want anything to change. I'm definitely not having kids (on purpose) any time soon, if I can help it. Having a cat is the closest to having a child I am willing to get right now. Also, my niece fills that void a little bit on occasion.

While I feel it's about time I do the whole growing up thing, I just don't want to... right now. But I suppose one doesn't always get that choice in life and is forced to just roll with the punches. So, until I can get used to this real job thing, having an actual budget and watching my friends have babies... I'll just be here, going to sleep at 10 and not having a life.

And in no way am I being over-dramatic

It seems these days that spiders have been out to get me. What they could want from little ol’ me is beyond my realm of imagination. Perhaps they just like to see me squirm (I mean, who doesn’t?) or on the other hand, they could be evil spawns of Satan that have a plot to take over the world … starting with me. Obviously, the latter makes more sense, so let’s go with that one. I don’t think I need to go into how creepy they are, but I guess I’ll indulge you all; just for shits and giggs.

 1. They vary in size—so you never know what you’re going to be up against.
 2. They have 8 freaking legs—I mean really, how many do they really need??
 3. Multiply their leg count by a billion and that’s how many eyes they have—which makes them able to see YOU better and therefore easily attack you when you least expect it.
 4. Not only can they leap about as if they’re trying out for So You Think You Can Dance?, but they have silk that shoots out of their asses in which to soar through the air with the greatest of ease—trapeze style.

It is number 4 on the list-o-creepiness that I think I am most concerned with. No matter how big they are, how many legs and eyes they have, when they decide where they are going to post up for the time being, it’s always in the most inconvenient places. Like where I am going to be walking. Because you—most of the time—don’t see the web before walking through it and then it’s too late. That fucker is totes on you and crawling around wondering what’s going on, just having a grand time watching you flail about through his home, wrecking shop on his fine craftsmanship. All the awhile, you’re (me) are trying to compose yourself and hoping no one saw you freak out for—apparently—no reason.

What is more annoying than a spider chillin in my walk area, is when it deems it necessary to post up next to my car (either attached to the car or object next to me, or a tree that is so conveniently next to where I need to park). Now, when I’m trying to get into my car after a long days work, I have to deal with Mr. I-Need-To-Keep-You-From-Sanely-Getting-Into-Your-Car. On occasion, I will see this douche bag blocking my way and I’ll stop just in time to flip him off and carefully crawl over my middle console from the passenger side of the car (assuming his homie is not chillin' on that side) so that I can just get home and watch Glee. Is that so much to ask?

Okay, I understand that not all spiders are evil spawns of Satan brought up from the deep circles of hell to ruin my life and that some of them eat other pests such as flies and mosquitos (I’ve actually witnessed a spider killing and rolling up  a cricket that got in his web; it was pretty bad ass to watch). But for the sake of this blog, they are all worthless to me and deserve the stomping that I am so keen on bestowing upon them (after I apologize, of course).

 

I’ve done a lot of TV watching in my day and over the years I’ve watched some pretty awesome shows (read: The Office, Friends, Scrubs and Glee--yes, I said Glee) but I’ve also put myself through some really awful shows. I’ve come to learn that not all TV shows are created equal, and subsequently, neither are all TV show hosts. There are the obvious great ones (in my opinion), such as Ellen DeGeneres, Conan O’Brien, Joel McHale, Daniel Tosh, and I guess I’ll throw Oprah in here just for shits and giggs. But on the flip side there are those people that for some reason or another end up with their own shows and it makes me wonder who they’re sleeping with.  Below are the top 5 people with their own shows that should just quit at life… or you know, just get off my TV with the quickness.

5. Tyra Banks- I was going to just say that her talk show should cease to exist but I’m going to also submit that her Top Model show also jump off a cliff. Yeah, I’ll admit, I was an avid watcher of America’s Next Top Model for the first few seasons (read: 8 seasons) but now they’re on like 11 and it’s just getting worse.  She’s so annoying when she talks--which is almost all the time--especially when she’s trying to be dramatic. As for her talk show she has the weirdest people on her show and over all she acts like she is the best thing since sliced cheese. Nothing is better than sliced cheese, so please Tyra, go away.

4. Kate Gosselin- I don’t know if y’all have heard but I am sure you have, Kate is getting another season of her show on TLC but now it will be called just Kate Plus 8. Really, TLC? Why are you enabling this hot mess of a woman? If you people would stop giving her this platform to act like a damn fool she might be able to actually be a normal mom to her children. Naw, probably not. But still, stop giving her money that she doesn’t deserve. No one liked her on Dancing With the Stars and I bet there will be tons of outcries about her continuing series. Seriously, just quit at life woman, your children would be better off with foster parents than your crazy ass.

3. The Pretty Wild girls (they don't deserve to be named)- There is a show on E! that showcases a former haggard Playboy model and her 3 model-pursuing daughters. The whole show is a hot mess. Shortly after taping the pilot episode one of the daughters got arrested for burglarizing several celebrity homes with a group of other hoodlums. I’m not really sure why the have a show to begin with, it seems like anyone these days can get a show and this just proves it. I will say that if you want something to watch that will make you feel better about your own life, this is the show to watch. You know, if you're into watching teenage girls act retarded and dramatic.No judgment here.

2. George Lopez- Oh George, why did you have to come and screw up my TBS line up. Every time there’s an Office marathon you have you come on afterward and ruin everything. With your loud mouth, stupid jokes and random Spanish outbursts. He does the same thing during his stand up comedy and it annoys the crap out of me. Hello, I don’t speak Spanish!! Just the sound of his voice makes me cringe. So, George, how did you get your own show? I’m pretty sure no one would sleep with you so enlighten me. Please.

1. Kirstie Alley- She has her own show on A&E called Kirstie Alley's Big Life. Every time I see a promo for it I am forced to ask the question, "Why??". I really can't say anything else about this, it kind of makes me speechless. She just... I don't know. It's just so strange to me why she would have her own show. Anyone know?

There are probably tons more people that shouldn't have their own shows but I don't have that kind of time on my hands. Well, I probably do but I just don't feel like getting into it.